Never Been Dissed: A Glee Parody
by xxWritingGirlxx
Summary: A parody of the episode "Never Been Kissed"...obviously, spoilers. Rated T just in case! There is Schue bashing... I hope you find it funny! Please R&R :


**A/N:** **It's another Glee Parody, finally! I've been really busy with school starting and all that… anyway, here it goes! Also, reviews are appreciated! Even flames, if they're entertaining :)**

In locker room:

Finn: Why the hell would you get in a bucket of literal ice water?

Sam: It's a lame segue into an awkward conversation. Ignore my hypothermia.

Sam: Anyway, I'm used to cold showers dating Quinn!

Finn: Rachel won't do it with me either.

Sam: Hmm, wonder why.

Finn: I imagine nearly killing someone to cool off.

Sam: …WAIT, WHAT?

Finn: …I take it you might need another image to cool off… use Bieste! It'll work!

Finn: … not that I've ever done that or anything.

Sam: Jwehrkijhi. That's Na'vi for "sounds good in a totally impractical way that can only end in us telling our teachers everything because that's what teenagers do nowadays".

* * *

Lockers:

Karofsky: *shoves Kurt* YOU SUCK. AND YOU'RE GAY.

Kurt: Your insults are so original. Oh, look, a teacher just walked by.

Karofsky: YOU SKIN IS SO SOFT- I mean… MY BULLY FRIEND AZIMIO WILL KICK YOUR ASS WHEN HE'S NOT… doing whatever he's doing…

Kurt: You wondered where he went too?

* * *

Sam: Oh, Quinn, you're so hot.

Quinn: I know. Say my name, bitch.

Sam: Bieste.

Quinn: WHAT THE HELL? THE ONLY PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION IS YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH BIESTE!

* * *

Sue's office:

Quinn: -he's obviously cheating on with Bieste!

Sue: DEAR GOD, THE IMAGES! Even Schue's rapping and that margarine covered atrocity he calls a hairstyle is better than them!

Quinn: *surprised face*

Sue: Ok, now go confront her in the worst way possible! WE ARE TAKING DOWN THE BIESTE.

Quinn: Okay! Obviously my boyfriend troubles are WAYYYY more important than some woman's only source of income!

* * *

Random room:

Mike: So, Tina, to cool off just think of the Bieste. It works!

Tina: Sounds good, I'll do that! BIESTE!

Mike: WHAT?! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?

Tina: Five seconds ago, you told me to cool off using Bieste-

Mike: SHUT UP, YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!

* * *

Hall:

Quinn: BIESTE, STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN!

Mike: AND MY WOMAN!

Tina: Seriously, you told me five seconds ago-

Mike: SHUT UP!

Bieste: What the turducken is going on?

Quinn: JUST STAY AWAY! I HATE YOU!

Bieste: WHAT THE-

* * *

Hallway:

Karofsky: I WILL KILL YOU! MWAHAHA! *twirls mustache maniacally*

Kurt: AHHHH! I'm going to clutch this wedding topper, my only current source of support and comfort!

Karofsky: *takes it away*

Kurt: …well, that's just great. How could this get any worse?

Karofsky: *shoves him into locker*

Kurt: Seriously, where the hell are the teachers?

* * *

Dalton:

Kurt: Must get away from the bullies! Hurray, a mentor character!

Blaine: YAY FOR GARY STUES- I mean, gay mentors.

Kurt: I'm new… I just don't… have… a uniform… or a schedule…

Blaine: No prob! Let's walk down the hall awkwardly in slow motion… I wonder who'll be your love interest this season!

Blaine and Warblers: *sing Teenage Dream*

Blaine: Imma stare at you the whole time and lead you on!

Fangirls: OMG KLAINE IS BORN!

Blaine: … but I don't actually like you, Kurt.

Fangirls: Dang it.

*go to cafeteria*

Kurt: Don't kill me, I'm a terrible spy. Say, are you people all gay?

Wes: We're not offended at all by that wrong and stereotypical remark.

Blaine: No, but I'M GAY. *wink* Yes, Kurt, I'M GAY.

Kurt: Was it wrong to assume that an all-boys school with those uniforms that sing Teenage Dream to other guys is gay?

Wes: Well, when you put it that way…

*Klaine all alone*

Blaine: So, you can join if you're ridiculously rich. If not, go back to your hellhole.

Kurt: But what about the bullies?

Blaine: Educate them and get beaten up. Courage, Kurt. COURAGE.

* * *

Locker room:

Kurt: Karofsky, being gay is when a boy likes other boys. Are you educated enough to stop bullying-

Karofsky: *kisses Kurt*

Kurt: EW, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE BLAINE! AHHH!

* * *

Outside on stairs:

Blaine: Karofsky! I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

Karofsky: Um, what?

Kurt: …you kissed me.

Karofsky: Oh, that. It's hard to separate my fantasies from reality- wait, WHAT? I ACTUALLY DID THAT?

Blaine: Yeah, and stop bullying Kurt. We kind of have blackmail on you.

Karofsky: Not gonna happen. *leaves*

Blaine: Kurt, why are you so upset?

Kurt: Oh, I don't know, he threatened to kill me and kissed me? Not to mention he was my first kiss! Well… besides Brittany, but… I try not to think about that.

Blaine: Oh! DANG IT, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FIRST KISS- but remember, I don't like you.

Kurt: Dang it.

* * *

Back at McKinley:

Schue: What's going on?

Sam: We were using Bieste to cool down.

Schue: …that wasn't awkward… anyway. NO ONE TELL HER, it'll make her upset!

* * *

Teacher's lounge:

Bieste: What's going on?

Schue: Ok, YOU BROKE ME DOWN! The kids are using you to cool off!

Bieste: Wow. You could've just said you didn't know.

Schue: Don't question my methods.

Locker room:

Bieste: I quit.

Schue: WHY?

Bieste: Because you told me everything…

Schue: I'M THE MORAL CENTER OF THIS SHOW, YOU CAN'T BLAME ME!

Bieste: True dat. God, I'm like a goat who never got their saddle rattled up.

Schue: …yeah, I have no idea what you just said.

Bieste: I haven't had my first kiss yet.

Schue: Wow, THAT'S not stereotypical. Anyway, here's a pity smooch. I'm not a manwhore or anything.

Shelby, Emma, Sue, Terri, April, and Holly: …right.

THE END.


End file.
